Him & Her
by CarlaPeterLove
Summary: They used to have it all and now… now there is no "they" anymore… just him and her.


They say that he has a girlfriend.

They say that she's getting married.

He can't pretend that the news of her upcoming wedding didn't break him.

She can't pretend that hearing he had a new woman on the scene didn't make her feel a little bit jealous.

Neither can pretend that they don't feel sick when ever they think of what they both had together and neither of them can pretend that they didn't have it in their head that someday they'd eventually make it.

Whether it be in the next few years or the next ten, they both genuinely thought that they would end up back together.

Suddenly he's got a girlfriend and she's getting married.

Suddenly everything is wrong.

It's his fault it all ended up like this, he knows that and he doesn't blame anyone else for it either.

She blames him too but also… she blames her self… just a little bit and that's one of the saddest things about it all.

He knows that it's his own fault that he misses her. After all, He was the one who wrecked everything they had. Sometimes he wakes in the middle of the night… He wakes short of breath and unable to think of anything else but her.

Sometimes she'll be sat alone, deep in thought and unable to get him off her mind.

He can still remember the way her breathing would sound when they would lay in bed together.

She can still remember how it felt to be held close to him.

He can still remember the pure pride that he felt whenever he would walk into a room with her on his arm and she can still remember how safe she always felt when she was sat next to him.

He still remembers how it felt to be called _baby_ and she remembers how much she used to adore the way he would always call her _love_.

They both still remember how in bed their bodies would move seamlessly in sync with each other and how that almost every single time would be finished with a breathless _I love you_.

He just cannot comprehend how he was so mind numbingly stupid and neither can she.

How on earth did he ever let that amazing woman out of his life?

 _You don't know what you've got until it's gone._

That's also something that they say… but actually... He knew.

He knew exactly what he had which makes what he did even more despicable.

He knew just how special, how beautiful and how truly delicate she was… and yet… He still did it.

He still went and threw it all away.

She still can't believe it. She knows it's stupid.

She knows it's downright ridiculous but she can't help but think that if she had of been less bossy with him, if she had of not pressured him into taking that forty nine per cent of her business and if she had not of proposed so soon then maybe he wouldn't have betrayed her.

Nothing makes sense… even years down the line, neither one can understand why everything had to go so horribly wrong.

He still tries to figure out why He did it, He spends hours and hours going over everything but he still comes up with nothing.

There is no rhyme or reason as to why he trashed the best thing that had ever happened to him, other than his son being born of course.

They used to have it all and now… now there is no _they_ anymore… just him and her.

He still clings on to all of the feelings that he felt when he first left and she… well she's getting married isn't she?

The last week of May they say.

So… if she's getting married… then why the hell does she look so sad?

He watches her… but from a far of course because he knows that he does not have the right to intrude her life… not anymore. He lost that right the moment he even glanced at another women in the way that he should have only been glancing at her.

He's watching her and he thinks that she has no idea.

None of this was planned.

He was on his way to see his family and she?

She was just lost, aimlessly walking down the street in search for something that she would never find.

He saw her pacing up the street with her arms folded close to her body because she was trying to keep warm and he could have ignored her of course.

A better man would have just kept going… he was sure a stronger man would have.

But he is not better… He is not strong and neither is she.

They are both weak.

He is so weak that he shamelessly followed her as she got into her car and sped off in a direction that he didn't recognise and she is so weak that she returned to a place that she swore she would never.

This place isn't familiar to him but he gets it.

The moment he realises where they are, he get's it instantly.

After all it takes an addict to know one.

He's sat right in the corner and if he keeps his head down enough then he's sure that she won't see him.

She's sat, only metres away from him, a glass of wine in one hand and a whole load of casino chips in the other.

His face is full of wonder whilst hers is etched with pain.

His eyes are narrowed together whilst hers are sore from all the crying she did on the way here.

He shuffles uncomfortably in his seat as he tries to stop himself from screaming out her name.

She sits stiffly in her seat as she tries to pretend as if everything is okay.

He is sat alone whilst people surround her.

He is frowning as she smiles and no one in that room knows that the huge smile on her face is fake… no one but him that is.

They can't tell that that smile is just a smoke screen.

They can't tell that inside…. She truly is broken.

Only he can tell just how much she is hurting and watching her in so much turmoil only breaks his heart all over again.

He is asked if he wants to play a game of blackjack and he says no whilst she says yes to another round of roulette.

He says no when he is offered an alcoholic beverage whilst she nods as she is passed another glass of her favourite tipple.

He shakes his head when she loses for the umpteenth time but she doesn't look as if losing all that money means a thing because deep down... it doesn't. Losing that money just means that she doesn't have to think about her life for a while.

He thinks had he been a proper husband, lover and friend to her that she probably won't be sat where she was now. He'd like to think had he been better, done better, showed her better that they'd still be okay. He'd like to think that had he not made the biggest mistake of his life in betraying her… that they'd still be madly in love.

She'd never admit it to anyone but he is still the love of her life and no matter how much another tries they will never compare to him.

Unfortunately, He cannot change the past and neither can she.

No one can… but that doesn't stop him from dwelling on it each and every day of his life.

He sits and He tries to imagine the way that she must have felt when she found out. He thinks about how sometimes she was the only one fighting in his corner. How at times she was the only person who defended him and how much she showed him that she loved him every single day they were together.

It makes him feel so ashamed.

What a let down… what a disappointment.

He thinks that she must have been utterly distraught. He thinks that her world must have been shattered into a thousand tiny pieces and he's right.

That was how she felt.

All that and more in fact.

She felt unloved, unwanted and unsure of everything that she had ever thought she knew. She felt like she would never ever be normal again and whilst there were a few odd moments here and there she was right… she has never felt normal since he left her side.

He wonders what she would do if she knew he was there. He wonders if she even cares anymore. He wonders if he is just a bad memory that she has in the back of her mind and She wonders how long that he's just going to sit there for. He doesn't know… that she knows.

He doesn't know that she had glanced over to the corner that he was sat in just by chance and that she saw him.

At first she was outraged.

She likes to think it's because he obviously followed her there and that he has no bloody right but she knows that deep down... it's because when she saw him her heart started to race. She hates herself because she has another love. A love that is all that she trust's these days and yet, being in the presence of _him_ makes her feel in a way that she had promised herself she would never feel for him again.

It's a feeling that she tries to shake off and when that doesn't quite work she doesn't know what to do next... so she ups the steaks.

He thinks about getting up and going over there as she puts down more than half the chips that she has in her hands but he stops when she wins this time.

He watches as everyone else around her starts to cheer and pat her on the back and as he sits back down, she starts to wonder's if it's fate.

She thinks… _maybe he just so happened to walk in here the same day as me_. _Hey... it could happen_. She then thinks, _any minute now… any minute he's going to get up and say something to me._

He has to, right?

She wants him to.

Something.

Anything.

But... no... nothing.

He doesn't come over and she doesn't go over to him either.

After all, she could get up and talk to him… if she was brave enough that is.

He doesn't go over because he thinks that she wouldn't want him to and she doesn't go over because she doesn't want to appear weak.

He thinks that she wouldn't appreciate him getting involved in what she was doing and she thinks that going over to him would mean that he's won.

He thinks that he had his chance and even though it's killing him, he stays put. He just sits there and pretends as if he doesn't know her and she does exactly the same.

They don't know how long they are sat there for, pretending to be strangers but eventually it becomes clear that they have to go.

Times up.

She needs to get back... to see her fiancé.

He needs to get back also, only to see his family.

She only has one chip left whilst he's not playing at all.

She swallows down her last drop of wine as she places her last chip down onto the table in front of her.

He leans forward to get a better view of what is going on and she thinks that if she wins… she'll talk to him first.

He doesn't know why but he feels as if this moment is crucial.

She doesn't know why but inside she is praying that she wins this last round.

They simultaneously take a deep breath and…

She loses.

That's it.

Game over.

He thinks he has suddenly missed a chance whilst she watches her last poker chip be taken away.

He thinks that maybe he should just take the leap and approach her whilst she decides it's probably better that she lost. She decides that she isn't strong enough to face him yet and that if she did she'd probably get drawn right back into his world.

They both stand up at the same time but again neither one is brave enough to look at the other.

They are both far too stubborn for this situation to go any other way than this.

He clears his throat as she grabs her bag to walk away first... so that he doesn't see her cry.

He shakes his head and clenches his fist just so that he doesn't lash out at anyone near by as she runs to her car and tells her self that they are both better off this way.

He hangs around inside for a bit because he doesn't want to watch her drive away from him whilst she unlocks her car in a fit of uncontrollable tears because once again, she has lost way more then she can afford.

He eventually leaves the casino but she is still outside in her car, her head his rested against her steering wheel.

She looks as if she is in the midst of a never ending battle and him?

He blames himself for the war.


End file.
